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Jan 062014

One day, when I was sitting on a chair, bored at home I asked my Stepdad which school, he thought, was the best school in the entire world. He replied with Monkey School and because I don’t think anyone on this planet, except my crazy stepdad, knew what he was talking about, I asked him what on Earth he was going on about. He said to me that Monkey School was a school, where only the smartest children were taught and they were taught by special monkey teachers. I knew this was just nonsense but I went along with it anyway just to pass the time. He explained it further and said it was based on a secret island in the middle of nowhere, where monkeys first came from.

In Monkey Land they have a monkey university, a monkey school, a monkey village, a monkey hotel, a monkey hockey team, the monkey hospital, the monkey police, the monkey fire brigade, the monkey doctors and many other monkey things. So this conversation went on and on and eventually it stopped so I decided to be funny and I wrote two emails, to myself, pretending that they were from the monkey school, asking if I would like to join their school. I thought you would like to hear all about them so hear they are:

Dear Boo Kitty Boo,

We, the monkeys, have invited you to go and be taught in Monkey Land by our special, smart monkey teachers.

In the following email we will talk to you about the directions, accommodation and the special deals we are willing to make with you and your family.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Steve Monkey, the President of Monkey University.

 Here is the next email:

Dear Boo Kitty Boo,

I do hope that you will be able to accept this invitation, we only invited you because we knew that you had just been told about this amazing land and we knew you must have wished dearly to go to this lovely school, where well educated children are taught only to the best standards, as soon as you laid your ears on it. We also only invited you because we knew how smart you are getting and knew you must be challenged and pushed to your limits. In these following paragraphs we will talk to you about deals, school subjects, accommodation and our school inspections, APESTED.

The special deals we are willing to make with your family are:

  1. If you bring along every single person that means a lot to you, (family and friends) we will supply houses, food for the first year and we will pay everyone’s bills until your family and friends find jobs and can supply their own accommodation, food, health care and can pay their own bills.
  2. If you come with only your parents and siblings, we will pay for your flight in a private jet and have a house waiting for you when you arrive.

Please consider these two offers deeply and for now I will talk to you about our school inspections.

At our school, we, like any other normal school all over the world, have school inspections. Every school inspection we have ever had has never been ranked worse than zero. The greatest ranking we have ever received was a negative three.

If there is anything else you would like to know about school inspections please reply and we will always have enough time to answer them for you.

At Monkey school we teach, every language, literacy, math, science, history, geography, banana peeling, art, physical education, badminton, foosball and many other interesting but important subjects.

If you have any other concerns at all, then please, please, please reply urgently because if not we would have to give this wonderful opportunity of a lifetime to a four star educated child, which would obviously be such a shame as your are rated much higher than that. You and your family are all as smart as ever and are rated five star educated people.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Steve Monkey, the President of Monkey University.

There that is it for now but there may be some more weird but fun posts to come just like this one!

Boo Kitty Boo